I always wonder how would I feel when someone close pass away. Now I know. The feeling of sorrow when thinking how he wouldn't be here in the future.
My grandfather passed away last Saturday. At around 12.30 in the morning. It was sudden. There I was, watching videos on this very laptop, when I heard my grandmother shouted for my sister. Although she called my sister, something, maybe the desperation in my grandmother's voice, made me go to her. What I saw was my grandfather leaning against the door. It's scares me when I can't feel his pulse. I already suspected he was gone by then. I think my grandmother too. Yet, I cling on to this hope that he was still alive, breathing. Ambulance came and take him away. I thought there was hope but was dashed when the doctor confirmed it.
My whole family was here. Unfortunately, my uncle can't make in time for the burial as he have to fly all the way from Jeddah. It was surreal somehow. From time to time, I have to tell myself that Atuk is really gone. I always thought that when this happens, the family will be full with sorrow. Yet, admidst tears, there was laughter. It feels as if it was a family gathering. The difference is that Atuk was not here and it is Ramadhan, the fasting month.
Right now, I feel sad but mostly glad. Sad that Atuk is not here anymore but glad that I manage to spend some time with him. Glad that he does not suffer much when his life is taken away. Glad that he went during the blessed month of Ramadhan
Goodbye Atuk. I miss you.
Say what you want to say before it's too late.
